Many years ago Ricky Nelson serenaded us with his hit song “My bucket’s got a hole in it”. Based on what happened this past weekend during the Autorama at Cobo Hall perhaps Ricky wouldn’t mind if we paraphrased his lyrics just a bit and proclaimed “Cobo Hall’s got a lot of holes in it”.

Over the weekend downtown Detroit experienced rusty colored rain. And it wasn’t cascading down from the heavens but from inside Cobo Hall! The exhibitors who participated in the Autorama had to shield their cars from the downpour as water leaked through the faulty and dilapidated roof. The cost of paint on some of these exhibits is in the thousands of dollars and to say that the owners were irate would be an understatement. Some vowed never to return to Detroit and frankly who can blame them!

The temporary answer is two-fold: first someone needs to apply a thick coat of tar to the aging roof to prevent a recurrence. And secondly, the remaining tar along with a healthy helping of feathers should be applied to the five members of the City Council who voted down a deal which would have turned the renovation and expansion of Cobo Hall over to a regional authority. Then the five of them could audition for a spot on “American Idol” as they sing their own theme song “Onward Christian soldiers”. On second thought their act would be a better candidate for “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader” and of course the answer is a resounding “NO”!

With the current controversy surrounding the improvement or lack thereof of Cobo Hall it may be just a matter of time before it is shuttered much like Michigan Central Station. Then as it becomes occupied by the homeless we can change the name to Hobo Hall!

Bill Kalmar

Former Director of the Michigan Quality Council

During the 1980 Presidential debate Republican candidate Ronald Reagan used the phrase “There you go again” against his opponent Jimmy Carter. In a fatherly way it disarmed Carter as Reagan chided him for his various political positions on a variety of topics. If Reagan were alive today I suspect that the phrase would find a new foil in the person of Michigan Governor Granholm. It seems that not a week goes by that Granholm doesn’t surface with another one of her fractured non-sensical ramblings.

Case in point is her plan to allow liquor stores, restaurants and saloons to expand alcohol sales until 4:00AM. Granholm also wants to rescind the Sunday noon sale of liquor and allow sales much earlier. A spokesperson for the Governor sees this as a way to enhance revenue for the state as merchants would have to purchase permits for the extended sales period. This in turn is seen as a way for businesses to expand their profits.

As it is now saloons and restaurants must cease sales of alcohol at 2:00AM when the familiar exhortation of “last call” is heard. Several things come to mind:

-                       is it really necessary to allow saloon patrons an extra two hours to liquor up before they hit the road? As it is now most of the imbibers have returned to the confines of their home before workday traffic begins. If the time frame were extended to 4:00AM the possibility exists that early morning travelers on their way to work will now be confronted by a flotilla of over served Jack Daniel and Bud Lite aficionados!

-                      And is it really necessary to rescind the Sunday liquor laws so that thirsty Michiganders can quench their thirst earlier then the noon restriction? Boaters now complain that in order to fill their coolers with brewskies on Sunday they have to plan in advance because of the ban on Sunday sales until noon. Just what our Coast Guard needs more alcohol influenced boaters on our already crowded waterways!

-                     Over-extended police agencies certainly don’t need an influx of possible DUI offenders roaming the highways and byways. And yes I am aware that most patrons will be responsible drinkers but we all know there is a segment that will not be as mature.

Let’s hope that as Granholm winds down her less than illustrious reign as Governor she concentrates on just identifying and naming more “Cool Cities” which is a perfectly harmless activity. The alternative would be for President Obama to name her Ambassador to Canada so that she can return to the relative obscurity she so richly deserves. In the meantime our representatives in Lansing need to paraphrase the famous words from Seinfeld Show character The Soup Nazi - “No liquor after 2:00AM and before noon on Sundays for you! Next!!”

Bill Kalmar

Former Director of the Michgan Quality Council

A very popular country song entitled “Shutting Detroit Down” by John Rich is currently monopolizing the airwaves. The lyrics describe how everyone is concerned about Wall Street despite the fact that here in Detroit the blue-collar workers are losing their jobs while the “boss man takes his bonus pay and jets out of town“. In the meantime the working man’s “pension plan has been cut in half and he can’t afford to die”. A sad commentary on the cultural gap between white collar and blue-collar workers!

This past Friday though us blue collars in southeast Michigan demonstrated that we can’t be shut down! This year’s Dick Purtan WOMC Oldies 104.3 Salvation Army Radiothon received pledges totaling over $2.2 million dollars just a smidgeon short of last year’s $2.3 million. And even with an economy that is in the dumper, this was accomplished in sixteen hours, which is a staggering $138,000 per hour. Just like the Phoenix, residents of southeast Michigan, including out state and even contributors from as far away as Iraq and Australia, rose up and showed the world that we may be on life support but our hearts are still strong and vibrant!

During the Radiothon a precocious group of children from Ann Arbor entertained with a song that just may be our new theme song here in Michigan:”Hit Me With Your Best Shot”. Based on the generosity of Michiganders we have taken Wall Street’s best shot and we are still standing. And the commercials currently running on CBS stations in the area demonstrate that with the words - “Stand Up Detroit and Be Proud”. Everyone within listening voice of radio station WOMC and those tuning in on the Internet broadcast should be proud of their accomplishment.

In the song “The Winners” by Frank Sinatra from the movie “Maurie”, a particular verse is poignant and illustrates what Michiganders are all about:

Here’s to the winners -  lift up your glasses

                                Here’s to the glory still to be

                         Here’s to the battle, whatever it’s for

                        To ask the best of ourselves, then give much more

It’s been said that one should not give until it hurts but until it feels good. As such, there are thousands of contributors to the Bed and Bread Radiothon who today feel exceptionally good and as a result there are thousands of those less privileged in the Detroit area who will feel better knowing that The Salvation Army through the tremendous pledge drive will continue to provide shelter and food. We gave the best of ourselves and even more! And that’s worth standing up for! Notice to the world we can’t be shut down!

Bill Kalmar

Former Director of the Michigan Quality Council

Everyday thousands of our fellow citizens look for the distinctive red and white Salvation Army Bed and Bread trucks that traverse through the various neighborhoods. These are people who through no fault of their own have become disenfranchised. Imagine if you can being hungry and homeless. It’s a heartbreaking thought but unfortunately for many in our community it’s a way of life.

Fortunately, the Bed and Bread trucks of The Salvation Army have become the lifeblood for these underprivileged. Each day The Salvation Army Bed and Bread trucks serve nearly 5,000 meals a day on the streets of Detroit. In some cases, the cup of soup, a sandwich, and perhaps a cookie is the only sustenance some of our fellow citizens will receive for the entire day. And no matter the weather, the trucks of The Salvation Army are there to provide what in some cases has become a life saving meal.

Many of us in the area have never seen the trucks and that is a good sign. It means that we are in the warm confines of our home, are gainfully employed, and have never experienced the trauma of life on the street. Not seeing The Salvation Army Trucks means that our lives have not been impacted by the strains of unemployment or some tragedy not of our making. As such, I think it is incumbent upon us to assist those people who look for and see the Bed and Bread trucks everyday!

And believe it or not there are in fact people who have had the trucks in their lives and as a result of the assistance from The Salvation Army are now back on their feet and are in fact contributing to the Bed and Bread campaign.

How can we be a part of this tremendous movement? On Friday February 27th beginning at 6:00AM live from the Oakland Mall until 10:00PM Dick Purtan of Oldies 104.3 WOMC will be hosting the 22nd annual Dick Purtan Radiothon to raise money for the Bed and Bread Club. Besides the thousands who are served by the trucks, The Salvation Army also serves more than 7,800 meals every day at its various shelters in the area. To support this very worthwhile endeavor you can be a member of The Bed and Bread Club by contributing just $10 a month, which feeds one person in Detroit for one year. Or for $20 per month two people are fed and for that $240 donation you will receive a commemorative collectible of Harrison the cartoon Bed and Bread truck with Dick Purtan as the driver. Of course no donation will be refused and all are certainly welcomed.

Dick Purtan has been conducting this Radiothon for over 20 years and because of his commitment and the generosity of the community, over $19 million has been raised for the Bed And Bread Club. And keep in mind that every donation is tax deductible. With a special tax program established by the state of Michigan and coupled with one’s IRS itemized charitable deductions, jointly filed returns donating $400 to the Bed and Bread Club will result in a net cost of $88. Those of you currently preparing your taxes and looking at your charitable deductions will certainly appreciate this type of deduction next year!

So if you have never seen the Bed and Bread trucks consider yourself one of the lucky ones. But we need the trucks to keep running for those less fortunate. Won’t you somehow find it in your heart to contribute to The Bed and Bread Club? Just call (248) 307-1043 and make your donation so that those who rely on the trucks will continue to see them everyday. And if you happen to pass one of the trucks on the road, give a wave knowing that your contribution is helping to allay starvation for many of our citizens. I’ll be doing my part won’t you join in too!

Bill Kalmar
Former Director of the Michigan Quality Council
2897 Orbit Drive
Lake Orion MI 48360
248-393-2633

In the 1963 movie of the same name, a group of people search for a fortune in hidden money and it demonstrates how human greed makes it a hilarious if unnecessary race for something for nothing. Recent stories in the news seem to present a repeat of this classic movie as people are searching for their pile of gold and in some instances are exhibiting the greed side of their personality. I think the following stories will illustrate that:

-                 Just finished filing my federal and state returns and fortunately we will receive refunds in both cases. But in reading about the President’s nominees for various offices in his administration it seems we are the only ones who are paying taxes and filing correctly. Guess if you live in Washington, DC there are different rules for filing. And of course these same people have nannies and at times fail to pay taxes for their services! On Sesame Street if the letter of the day were “G”, the word would be “greed”!

-                      The peanut butter scare has taken over this nation! Now that we are not eating any peanut products it points out how people with peanut allergies have to skillfully navigate through each day for fear of a reaction. The company that is responsible for this epidemic should be put out of business!

-                      And talk about greed, how about the woman who just had eight babies to add to the six she already had. Now she wants millions of dollars for her story. Frankly this is the height of irresponsibility both on her part and that of her doctor who allowed her to impregnate herself with multiple embryos. In my mind this is some type of a sick joke. It’s almost as if the babies did not emerge from her womb but from a clown car!

-                     Good to see that Exxon is still making billions of dollars during the gas crisis. Although their profits were down somewhat the company continues to participate in the consumer shakedown. Sure, gas prices have come down but just as inexplicably prices have gone up .45 cents a gallon over the last couple of weeks. And of course when Memorial Day arrives look for more increases! What a crock!

-                     Bravo to Kellogg for severing ties with Michael Phelps the marihuana puffing half human - half dolphin. There should be no room in our society for athletes who break the law and use illegal drugs! His other sponsors who continue to laud him and provide him with endorsements obviously have lower standards than Kellogg! This episode certainly has tarnished the gold that was bestowed on him for the Olympics for coming in first. In my mind he is still first a first class jerk!

-                    Went into Starbucks the other day around 2:00PM for a cup of decaf coffee only to discover that only regular coffee is served after noon! One can still order decaf but it has to be brewed and takes about four minutes. Actually it’s not such a bad deal since the coffee is fresh. The reps in Starbucks stated that it saves thousands of dollars, as there is not a large demand for decaf especially in the afternoon. I would think that there would be less of a demand for decaf in the morning but maybe that’s why I am not a barrista.

-                   With the economy in the dumpster there are few companies that are surviving. Everyday news comes of another failure and thousands of people being escorted into the unemployment lines. One company that is doing very well though is Hershey Company where profits just jumped 51% amid signs that consumers may be cutting back but not giving up chocolate! Evidently we still want a bit of decadence in our lives and who can blame us!

-                   On the other side of the coin we learn that cheap hard liquor sales are up in the Detroit area. And with unemployment over 10% in the state and close to 20% in the city, people are drowning their sorrows in the devil’s elixir. Maybe we could convince these imbibers that chocolate is cheaper and the after effects are not as catastrophic!

-                   And in a story that should be entitled Aren’t They Just Glad To Be Alive, passengers on the U.S. Airways plane that crashed into the Hudson River want to sue the airline. The airline did give everyone $5,000 and a whole year of free upgrades but evidently these ingrates want more. Shouldn’t a safe landing by a talented flight crew and the ability to continue breathing be enough? Evidently not!

-                   But not to be outdone we have Manny Ramirez who turned down $25 million for a one-year contract with the Los Angeled Dodgers. He wants $100 million for four years. Actually all he needs is a new batting helmet! The one he uses looks as if it was dragged through a pigsty. And if you look up the word “greedy pig” in the dictionary his name and picture appears. I have placed him in my Michael Phelps “jerk” list!

As you can readily see I am mad, really mad and maybe it’s time for me to be in a starring role in the remake of the movie of the same name! And just maybe I can emulate the politicians in D.C. by not paying taxes on my newfound success!

Back in the days of the Old West when a lawbreaking varmint was on the loose, the sheriff would assemble a posse and then search relentlessly for the scoundrel. Often times the excitement of a capture disregarded all elements of the law and the posse exacted its own form of justice.

Return us now to those days of yesteryear but enter a new sheriff AKA Cowpoke John Conyers. Despite the fact that President Obama has indicated that “petty grievances” should be abandoned, Conyers, the delusional Capital Cowboy has decided to saddle up and ride with his band of overzealous ranch hands until varmints Bush and Cheney are apprehended and brought to justice or perhaps just forced to be a part of Conyers western style of justice where emotions take the place of facts.

Before Conyers rides too far on this misguided mission, he would do well to first rein in his wife, Monica who has been creating her own style of havoc in Detroit as President of the Detroit City Council. Her memorable tirade of calling the then Council President, now Mayor Ken Cockrel, “Shrek” has become a You Tube classic. Referring to her $80,000 plus council position as a part-time job certainly didn’t endear her to colleagues. And a seven-day study mission to Israel to learn how to achieve peace in the Middle East seemed a bit of a stretch; and of course having two members of the Executive Protection staff accompany her on a domestic trip seemed excessive considering the Mayor only has one person protecting him. Her meltdown in Denver during the Democratic Convention over the assignment of a room again brought her national attention and a dispute over travel funds from the city’s General Retirement System brought further attention to Buckaroo Monica.

So before Cowboy Conyers and his merry band of cowpokes beat a trail to Bush and Cheney, he may want to get his own house in order first. Hopefully once this is accomplished he and his buckaroo can ride off into the sunset to the relative obscurity both so richly deserve while strains of “Happy Trails To You” linger in the background!

Bill Kalmar
Former Director of the Michigan Quality Council

Lots going on in the news of late and each morning newspaper brings new opportunities for some positive comments and also for some irritations. Here’s what’s been spinning around in my head recently:

+  Our heat bill just arrived and it appears that we are providing comfort to everyone in the neighborhood! It sure seems that way what with the amount of energy our supplier states we consumed! Our mortgage payment used to be smaller! On the other hand our next-door neighbor was away on vacation when their furnace failed and all the pipes in the house burst causing over $100,000 in damage! So our monthly heat bill now seems like a pittance.

+  Been trying to secure a pair of Presidential cuff links for some time now. Back in the 80’s I was cleared by the FBI to jog with President Clinton on one of my trips to the nation’s capital when I worked in the Engler Administration. At the last minute Clinton had a conflict and thus my chance to ask for cufflinks went by the roadside. So now I have written to Former First Lady Laura Bush at their new address in Dallas. Maybe she can just swipe a pair of cufflinks from George and send them to me. I’ll keep you apprised of developments.

+  We have so much snow here that there is no place to pile it up anymore. The roar of snow blowers continues to break the early morning silence here in our subdivision. We once had a neighbor who never cleared his snow. His rational was that in the spring everyone’s property looked the same whether one cleared the snow or not! With the record snowfall we are having, wonder if he ever got out of his house this year! And don’t even get me started on the numerous potholes that dot our roads!

+  Seems most of the talk after the Inauguration is about what First Lady Michelle Obama was wearing. Wonder what it would be like to have someone critique your wardrobe each time you go out? As a retiree since 2003 I have worn a suit only about five times. And during the summer socks are not in my wardrobe perhaps a Grosse Pointe thing, our previous residence. So if someone wants to comment on my wardrobe, have at it!

+  A teenager in Ann Arbor had a dispute with his girlfriend over her destroying his marihuana materials. So he slapped her and then killed her pet rabbit. Now he faces four years in jail for cruelty to an animal and 90 days in jail for assaulting her. Is there something wrong with this picture when a rabbit is held in higher regard than a human? Maybe he should have just donned some hunting garb and shot the rabbit and then he could have avoided jail. Seems we are living in a bizzarro world where human life has become like a throwaway soda pop can!

+  What’s with people walking around with cell phones jutting out of their ears! Are these people that important that every call is critical? You would think that they are somehow hooked up to a Strategic Air Command Missile Silo and thus their input is needed for launch! Many of these earphone fanatics look as if an insect is crawling out of their ear!

+  Are you as tired as me about “going green”? Green cars, green offices, green buildings. OK fine, we have to cut back on polluting the planet but as Kermit the Frog said: “It’s not easy being green”.

+  On a positive note, I continue to be cancer free after prostate surgery last June. My PSA continues to be 0.0 and evidently I have become the poster boy for successful surgery a great place to be!

+  Another great place to be is with my wife Mary of 45 years! We just celebrated our anniversary. Can’t imagine being anywhere else but with her. And I’m green with envy for having such a wonderful, beautiful wife. So maybe being green isn’t so bad after all. Take that Kermit!

Seems not a day goes by that some idiotic, absurd incident makes national news and much of it comes to us with the admonition of “Breaking News”. Everyone wants his or her fifteen minutes of fame. Case in point is a southern California teenager who in one month sent 14,528 text messages - some of them to people who were sitting next to her! Her 440-page phone bill resembled a phone book! Her parents solution? She can’t text after dinner. How about this for a solution no cell phone until you learn responsibility!

And what follows are some other irritations that have plagued me of late:

+  Reviewing a list of the Top Ten TV Shows reveals that the program “Two and Half Men” continues to attract over ten million viewers each week. For those of you who are not familiar with this piece of trash and debauchery it is about a character named Charlie Harper played by that hedonist Charlie Sheen who each week tries to bed down some beauty. He lives with his brother Jerome Harper and Harper’s son, Jake. Charlie often gives Jake advice much of which is not age-appropriate. Jake is an underachiever who spends most of his time playing video games and watching television. Just your typical dysfunctional family!

What disturbs me is the focus of each episode, which has Jake mouthing a script that is filled with double-entendres and outright suggestive language. And of course “cute” dialogue such as “She resembles Tinkerbell with knockers”, or “I heard you’re sinking your putts in the company golf course” and lots of references to “boinking”. This is a program that should be relegated to 11:00PM on some obscure cable channel. I have never watched it but the previews keep popping up all of which are disgusting! But I guess ten million plus people find it entertaining. Go figure!

+  Just looked at the Detroit Tigers schedule for 2009. Believe it or not the traditional Opening Day, which usually occurs on a Monday, is now scheduled for a Friday. Not just any Friday but Good Friday! In my opinion this is a day reserved for more serious thought and activities and not a baseball game particularly a day game! Obviously those who schedule the games must be using a calendar from that famous atheist Madeline Murray O’Hare! Surely the game will be sold out which is normal for an Opening Day but somehow we have lost our moral compass in this crazy world!

+  Right now I’m struggling with the news that Timothy Geithner, candidate for Secretary of the Treasury did not pay social security and Medicare taxes for several years and that he also employed a housekeeper whose legal immigrant work status had briefly lapsed in 2005. Supporters chimed in to state that these were “honest mistakes”. Oh really! Issues such as this derailed President Bill Clinton’s nomination for attorney general on two separate occasions amid allegations that the nominees in question failed to pay taxes for household help. And President George W. Bush had to withdraw the nomination of a Labor secretary when it emerged that his choice housed an illegal immigrant. Does the dishonesty and incompetence in our nation’s capital ever end! Unfortunately it remains firmly intact just the players change! In the case of the Obama nominees, who seem to be Clinton era relics, many voters are beginning to have “buyer’s remorse”! The “hope and change” we were promised seems like “more of the same”!

Well, time to turn on the news to see if any other wackos have captured their 15 minutes of fame. Wonder if Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty are aware that their text message record is in danger of being eclipsed by the California teenager! Sounds like a “breaking news” item doesn’t it?

Bill Kalmar

Former Director of the Michigan Quality Council

Lake Orion MI 48360

248-393-2633

A recent editorial in the Detroit Free Press entitled, “It’s Bad, OK? So Let’s Pull Together” was a masterful stroke of writing! The take on Governor Granholm’s State of the State Address was on target when it was inferred that her appearance should be punctuated with a one word description of our once proud state: “Bad”. Granholm could then depart from the stage and plan her next run across the Mackinac Bridge which seems to be her only claim to fame during the past six years of her administration. She jogs across the bridge while residents are seen running out of the state in search of jobs!

All of us in Michigan are still waiting with baited breath to be “blown away” by her plans for resuscitating the state. Based on her lack of leadership and her inability to make a decision or to make one and then days later rescind it because of adverse publicity, has put our state on a life support unit. What we need is a giant set of defibrillators!

Her legacy will be one of taking a state that was awash in jobs and enthusiasm and relegating it to the leader in unemployment and mental depression. For the past six years we have heard that the previous administration handed her a flawed economic package and we have been paying the price ever since. Having worked in the Engler administration for ten years I have first hand knowledge of Engler’s dedication to improving the plight of every Michigander and his ability to make the tough decisions -something Granholm only envisions in her dreams!

To her benefit though our town has a record of turning out losers who then go on to other lucrative careers so perhaps Granholm can make that part of her dreams. Case in point would be Matt Millen, the architect of the Detroit Lions disastrous record during his tenure. Millen is now an analyst with a national network. And let’s not forget Ron Marinelli who guided the Lions through the record breaking 0-16 record. He is now with the Chicago Bears. So to round out this trifecta of losers, Granholm might be able to parlay her abysmal economic record into a position with the Obama Administration. Then the entire world will know what we in Michigan have known for quite some time, that she is in over her head. Or in the words of one Michael Jackson song: “I’m bad, I’m bad, really bad!”. In fact, that would be perfect background music as Granholm enters the chambers in Lansing for her State of the State message! Washington DC, here she comes!

Bill Kalmar

Former Director of the Michigan Quality Council

Here’s some positive news for Detroit, a native Detroiter returns to become Detroit’s Archbishop.

Bishop Allen Vigneron, 60, currently head of the Diocese of Oakland, Calif is now Detroit’s Archbishop, appointed by Pope Benedict XVI. Bishop Allen Vigneron will replace Cardinal Adam Maida on January 28th.

Vigneron is the third Detroit native priest to lead a major American diocese. Others include Alex Brunett of Seattle, and John Nienstedt of Minneapolis-St. Paul.

Welcome Archbishop Vigneron!